Do you know how to form good habits?


    I do. This is how:


Only eat nuts. This will give you diarrhea, but this is a good thing.

Smoke until your skin turns yellow. This sounds like jaundice, but it is actually very attractive.

Wait until someone yells at you to do something. This is called motivation.

Use dull knives when chopping vegetables. 

    Eventually you will scream and miss the vegetable and slice your finger.

    This is called no pain, no gain. Humans like this saying to justify America.

If you huff paint, good ideas will come to you and you will finish that novel.

Once you have done the nut cleanse and had diarrhea for three years, that should have gotten         out all the toxins and now you don’t have to eat anymore. This is called diet.

Sit cross legged until your butt atrophies. Now you are completely self-sustaining.


Good habits are hard to form. You will be glad you did them when you are dead, though.